Sunday, 8 July 2007

Bugge the Popes newe masse!

Hyt is ryght merueillous to reden of the Popes bulle & the so-callyd missa tridentina. The rolles of newes han ben reportynge all-daye that thys missa beeth ayenst the Iudeisshe peple but Ich am nought adredde for the Iudeisshe peple for the Pope is nought yclepyd a nyncomPopys: no doutte, he wyll not desyren to opene olde woundis. Yit Ich am much addredde for in Engelonde the propre masse in Latyne is yclepyd sarum and not som newefanglyd tridentina.

The missa sarum is much preferryd to owr owyn Englysshe tongue but who nedyth som newe tridentina? Many compaygnies of marchauntys hauen of laat deyvsyd cherlisshe termys forto sellen more marchaundise so that we ne lenger can tellen what hyt be that we bugge from hem. Hyt beeth so wyth apillys ypodde or the chapmenisshe Sowtane of Amerykes werre ayenst terroure. What meneth ypodde & what beeth thys terroure? Hyt is nat clere to me. By Seynte Loy, here beeth termys that can be applyed to all maner of delusyouns wythouten beinge exclusyf to a single oon!

And by-cause that euery prynce nowe has hys rolle of newes - euene the Saracenes Algezyre & the Frenssche villeins here Frankysshe by-daye-and-nyghte - Ich wene (and Occleve seys so also) that thys tridentina beeth oonly the fancye broadecastynge naam of the Lateranys responsio to the televisyoun rolles for hyt is more noble & plesaunte forto heren a cantus perfourmyd in the hooly langage of the Chirche.

But Ich am aferyd that the Pope & hys hyghe Byshoppes & Cardinalys desyryn to reche wyth thys televisyoun rolle the worste peple hidynge in the wylde woodys of the Wirrale: euery Christene man knowyth that the secrete Brothirhode of Pius the tenthe beeth a bunch of wykkede heretykes, prechours of enormitees & sheepfacyd twattys. What beeth the poynte of embracen those that han ydumpned you by-cause of som dyspute aboute the fourme of the masse? Oonly a dounryght wankere kan mystake the fourme for the quidditas. What is more, the Brothirhode is in cahouttis with that poore actoure Thomas Crouse who meneth to leden som Churche into som ycoveryd Operacyoun Theetanys & alle the weye to Prester Iohannes & Xenou & to alle that dianetykke bullesturde. There beeth no gretter abomynacyoun thanne to tellen lyes & ben richly rewardyd for hyt. These false pretendourys moot nede ben ystoppyd. Ich clepe on the aldermannes of Londoun to putten alle these feble actores into the stokkes so that the peple can pelten hem wyth all maner of yrotten marchaundyse!

(Methynkes hyt myghte han ben Meluyn Gibsoun not Thomas Crouse. But thys oonly showyth that alle actoures ben false traytoures.)


Marc in New Orleans said...

V. v. amusing: thanks.

Iohanne Prentys said...

Myn dere Hoccleue,

Herre here! Ich concurren. Wushen y that this pope wuld mak a lawe or decre agaynst more urgent syns such as the rydyng of horis & harneis verraye clos to the prees upon brigges and stretes. Nere eueriche niht vpon my walke home to Chestres y se a pore wihte narowly ymissed by a yemen or othir drunken bougre yrydyng too quyckely. Me thenkth thus pope shuld decre X newe commaundemaunts pour dryuers - but Y wul not foles myselven hou longe yt wyll take to passe such a lawe!

Haue y a questioun: vpon thyn profyle de la blogge ye sede ye enioyed "peintures-moevynge that telleth of specialle condiciounes of the mynde and peple manifolde ytrappyd in oon hede." Dooth thus includithe the peinture-moevynge-a- la-boxe yclepid 'Monk'? Ysawe inne myn "boke-gyde du peintures-muvynge-a-la-boxe" that newe tailles de ce troubly inquisitore yn San Francis' toun aryveth sone (ythynk vpon Iuli xiii).

Ych & manye at Westmynstre schulen enioye yt yf thou wryten thy opinioun.

Thomas Hoccleve said...

To Iohannes Prentys be thys lettir delyveryd in haste.

Ich grete you welle, yonge maister Iohannes. Yowr expertyse in matterys aperteynynge to the mysteryes of the televysyoun han encresyd in me the percepcyoun that thou oughte passe not so muche tyme atte that devyce.

But shorte for to seyn, Ich habbe yheryd mooste excellente reportes of thyse tales yclepyd Monke & Ich wyll make an inspeccyoun of thyse Monk. But, myn dere Iohannes, yif Ich fynde atte the ende of myn inquisicyoun that Monk useth actoures to cuntrefete the truthe, we (Occleve & meselue) wylle be muche dysplesyd atte yowre jape.

Wretyn at Westmynstre on the .x. daye of Iuli. By yowre humble servaunt Thomas Hoccleve.

Anonymous said...

I too work in Westminster, but cannot match your sublime Middle-English despite a passing familiarity with Chaucer and Langland.

To put it briefly, this is the dog's bollocks. Haven't guffawed so much in a long while.

As someone who attends SSPX Masses, I could have been upset by the reference to "a bunch of wykkede heretykes, prechours of enormitees & sheepfacyd twattys", but it was just *too* funny.

Keep on truckin'!!

Mike Hennessy

Anchorite said...

excellent post!

Geoffrey Chaucer said...

My leeve Tommy 'Ad Hoc', thou hast gotten thyself a blog. Thys ys a thing of gret joie to me, for lyk vnto a gret mesure of fyn goold vpon the scale of the internet thou balancest out the hevy mass of drose that ys the blog of Gower.

Whanne next myn webmastre (the which ys at a conference yn Bruges on philatelie) cometh, ich shall haue hym add thyn link to myn rotulus bloggorum.

Werketh still the medicacioun for thy malencholye?

Thomas Hoccleve said...

To Maister Gaufridus Chaucer be thys lettir delyveryd in haste.

What blisse! What blessynge of Fortune! Myn dere, dere Maister Chaucer, hyt is a ryght hyghe honoure for to heren of you. Many a nyght Ich han ywakyd, awaytynge a worde from youre inspyred style. You han ymakyd myn daye (& be sure to yeve thankys in myn naam to youre helpfulle sone, Louis, for hys deliveryes of sustenaunce in these drye weekys).

Wyth venomys tongues all aboute, a letter from you is lyk unto Zephyrus arryvynge in derke Januarye!

Wretyn at Westmynstre on the .xxij. daye of Auguste. By yowre humble servaunt Thomas Hoccleve.