On franke speche

Bloggeres in Cathay han ymaked of laat muche pleynte that here ben oppresyd and censured in here franke expressioun but we Englysshe peple ben ryght fortunaat in owre privyleges sans limite (sauf peraventure Tommy Uske who had ben askynge for hyt). Yit som wryteres haue ymakyd hyt here objectyf to wryte such nycetees so that Ich kan nought but yerne for a regimente of the webbemundi more mesured and taastful. Here been foure proposicyouns forto improuen the imago of the so-callyd webbe and maken hyt more usere-benigne:

Item
i. Do wey wyth alle these deceyvynge paginae of fornicacyouns and lewde materes. And what beeth a carta creditorys or a carta debitorys anyweye? Not oon of myn freendes at the scaccarium seemyth to knowen hyt.

ij. Shutte the apille webbepage. Myn engyne doth not supporte the japes of the yphone-demonstracyoun (to myn endlesse frustracyoun). Besydes, what swyneshede wolde want to bugge an ybitten apill?

iij. As a man employid in owr Kyngys Chauncery, Ich demaunde the refourme of the entries on these rolles of newe itemys such as the brittysshe broade-myndyd corporacyoun or Edwarde Turnerys sonys nettewerke. Make hem to embracen more sentence: no-oon kan undirstonde alle of hyt and Ich care a turd whedyr som Sowtane of Ameryke and a Vladimiro of Ruce han ycacchyd schellfysshe togidir. Ynow!

iiij. And to toppe hyt all offe now euene the Frensche morselmyndes han ylaunchyd here owin rolle yclepyd Frankysshe-by-daye-and-nyghte to laughyn at owr fayre franke Englysshe speche and to weeren us owt from cokkecrow to cokkecrow wyth here owyn corrumpyd argotte. Han mercye on us! (But euene the Frensshe traytoures daren noght to chaungen the hyghe reputacyoun of the noble Englysshe hostis that fyghten for owre Kynge in Fraunce ryght at thys tyme and thus the Frensshe villeins han yclepyd owre pilgrymes ryghte proprely 'hooli-ganys'.) No franke speche for the Frankysshe, I seye.